Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize