I love black thongs
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
