someone threw a dead crab at me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
