Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
