i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
