If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
