Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
