dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
