im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
