I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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