Cold hands, warm shart.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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