She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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