I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
