you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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