i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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