I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
