You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
