but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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