so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
