Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
