so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So much rum. So many feels.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
