I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
