Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
