Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
