If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
