I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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