It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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