two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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