Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
