You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
