I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
