I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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