She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
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Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
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Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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