It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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