My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
