FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
