so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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