I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
being pregnant is like rehab
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
