so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
