you didnt know i had herpes?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
His hands were made for my vagina.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
