Do you still have your period?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
