So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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