do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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