Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize