You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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