I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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