it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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