I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
