At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
