I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
