Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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