I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
