Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
pray to the hookup gods
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
