walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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