you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
