38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
