I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
