So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
