Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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