he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
being pregnant is like rehab
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
